Staring at the Sun

As I enter into my final year of graduate school I was pleased to discover that one of the requirements for a course was to create an "altered book", which will be used as a journal to process our internship experiences. I am currently an art therapy intern with a local non-profit Hospice organization. I dually work as both an art therapist and grief counselor. "Staring at the Sun", by Irving Yalom, is a book about grief - but in reality it was the metaphor of the title that struck me. Processing grief is like staring at the sun. The soul's protective mechanism to handle grief is denial. Denial is akin to squinting when we stare at the sun - it allows us to let in just a little bit of sunlight at a time so that we don't burn our retinas. Denial enables us to process the amount and depth of grief that we can in a particular moment. If we were to delve as deeply and quickly as possible into grief it would be like staring at the sun for a few minutes - painful and ultimately dangerous.

As an intern I think I am still emerging from my student "cocoon". I'm straddling the worlds of student and professional, while continually trying to find the right balance. Yesterday a teacher told me that when butterflies first leave the cocoon their wings are not fully expanded - they have to stretch them out a few times before they become capable of using them to fly. I'm stretching my wings but not quite ready for the final leap, I still have a whole lot to learn. And knowing I still have that cocoon nearby is kinda nice :)